My name is Jason and I love me some big boys. Feel free to send me messages I'm always open to meeting new people!
23|♒|California
On Twitter @BelovedHades
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Stop motion from the 1970s. Ancient and all knowing in his jerky movements and wildly spinning.eyes. Orphaned under mysterious circumstances, raised by elves in the woods. Unfamiliar with human customs. Pure of heart.
6/10 Santas
2. Nightmare Before Christmas Santa
Needs a fucking vacation. Takes no shit. May never trust children again. Will bitch slap a skeleton if needed and invite his gf to tea.
11/10 Santas
3. Netflix’s Christmas Chronicles Santa (or, Kurt Russell Santa)
Potent sexual energy, more than any santa should ever have. Has the ugliest elves ever, all of them disturbing crosses of a cat, Gremlin, and rodent-like creature. Historically, if this santa doesn’t do his job, wars literally happen as a result (remember WWI? Apparently this guy didn’t finish his deliveries all 4 years). Does crime and kidnaps children and actually ends up in jail.
3/10 Santas
4. Rise of the Guardians Santa
The most powerful Santa, but also the most vulnerable. Can snap Kurt Russell Santa over his knee. Is Russian. Carries two literal scimitars to cut a bitch down to size. But must rely on children believing in him to stay alive.
10/10 Santas
5. Tim Allen Santa
The most lethal santa of all, murdered his way to the top. committed the egregious sin of being played by tim allen
I want one of those scenes in a dude bro film where “tomboy” chick has to wear a dress to go undercover or whatever, but instead of the guys drooling as she walks down the stairs, they’re like “k. U need to stop. Go put the cargo pants back on. You look super uncomfortable and awkward in that. Brutus, you go be the fake prostitute.”
I’m just imagining this super ripped guy called Brutus being like ‘YESSS!!! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE FAKE PROSTITUTE!! Now is my time to shine!!’
IT’S MY FAVORITE GARGOYLE BACK AGAIN FOR WINTERTIME.
I want to know the exact conversation that lead to the creation of this abomination
Ye olde German architect: “ok, it’s time to put in the rainspouts and last night I was out with the lads and Hans had too much and the point is I had the FUNNIEST idea…” *Holds up drawing*
Ye olde German Architect Supervisor: * snorts beer out of his nose.* “YES. BUILD IT IMMEDIATELY.”
That’s gussy babe
Sooooo I just came back from studying in Freiburg and went on a tour of the Münster with a historian who knew all of the insider secrets and the story is even better than you think.
It took more than 300 years to build the Freiburger Münster (1200s-1500s), so they went through a lot of architects and people who paid those architects. Some of the patrons were dicks and one of those dicks lived in a house right next to the Münster. The asshat kept demanding they work faster and changed his mind every five hours about what he wanted and THEN he refused to pay the architects because he wasn’t happy with what they’d done.
That really pissed the builders off so in retaliation, the head architect built the butt gargoyle facing his house so that every morning for the rest of his life, when the dick looked out his window at the Münster, he’d have to look at a gargoyle butt.
So, the defecating gargoyle is a big fat “fuck you” to someone’s dick of a boss that has survived 500 years and two world wars
This is better than I possibly could have imagined, thank you
